Dear B
You have taken another big step and this time it is completely for you – well done.
You ask “why should I always be the patient one?” I suspect from our chats you know the answer deep down but the answer just gets up your nose sometimes! There are many people in life B who demand our patience and whether we give it or not is really down to us. He really isn’t finding it easy – his brain just doesn’t compute like yours, possibly never will – but it will develop – he is a work in progress and sometimes that ‘work’ seems particularly difficult.
You say you have a lot to be thankful for and I know the expression well – it makes you feel ungrateful that you are not expressing more thanks – well forget it! You have had a rotten time and ‘today’ has not come easily to you. It is costing you energy to cope with your husband struggling with ‘his’ recovery while seemingly unaware that you have had a battle too and I think you are entitled to feel a tiny bit sorry for yourself. Overall things are going well for you – but all of us, I’m sure, have days when we could do with a special bit of tender loving care – unfortunately just for now you are the only person who can give it to you, so apart from seeing the psychologist I hope that today you do something just for you – a ‘pamper B’ time.
I think all F&F long for is for their loved one to stop gambling and it is a shock that recovery for both takes longer than expected but it is a recovery and although slow it is not a further drop into the abyss. Glance back for a second and see how far you both have climbed out of that hole but don’t keep looking back – today is what matters and today you are seeking help for you.
You child will grow up and never know the man controlled by an addiction because he determined to change his life but also (and every bit as important) because his mother is a really strong and wonderful person who wouldn’t give in to her husband’s addiction.
You have possibly seen the following but somehow I think it adds up what I am trying to say to you today
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway
It just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back,
the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.
We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
As Ever
V
