I am new here as well and have no great answers. I can only tell you how I have decided to move forward.
Money – I monitor our account daily, as I have not had the time between work and kids and banking hours to take his name off of our account. Next Saturday will be a “fun” day as we plan to go to the bank together to remove his name from our account. Even if have his banking and credit cards he can still walk into a bank and get money from our joint account. So no more joint account. He has agreed, however we’ve not made it to the bank yet. The way I look at it, by the time I see he has taken money it’s too late. I know this seems like you are treating him like a child but I don’t know if there is any other answer. My HB will need cash for lunch at certain points and I’m sure for other misc items. So he has to bring receipts and change at the end of the day. I am trying to hold myself to the same standard so any money I spend, I will turn in receipts as well. Honestly I wish I could have done this sooner. I am currently trying to get a loan modification on my mortgage. If I am not able to do so I will loose my home. I guess learn from my obliviousness.
Honesty – More than the money, even considering where we are financially, it breaks me heart and has me on the verge of tears most of the time, because I can not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. I even question when he tells me that he loves me. In stead I wonder if he is just using me. Even though this is the hardest for me. I don’t believe a word he says and I have turned into an expert investigator. I double check everything he tells me.
I feel your pain. I wish I had great words of wisdom but I do know this site has been an outlet for me…reading and writing. Velvet told me to take care of myself first. Common sense tells me that is correct however I have not figured out how to do so.
Look forward to hearing more from you,