#1720
nomore 56
Participant

Hi Looking, good for you that you took the first step and joined this site. That means that you are about to take some steps to take care of yourself. When you read all the f&f stories here you will see that even though the cgs come in every shape and color, the way the addiction works, manipulates and takes over is basically the same. It took me a long time to understand that it was nothing personal and had nothing to do with me that my hb gambled. He was just a shell while inside of him the addiction ran rampage. Cg is called the slippery slope cz it is a downward spiral. Once you have started, you go down faster and faster. That goes for both, the cg and the f&fs. I read what you hb came up with and frankly, it is all just white noise to be able to keep on going. I look back on over 20 yrs of broken promises, blaming, deceit, scheming and total financial destruction. I know pretty much how you feel and others her can also connect with you in the same way. Right now you cannot believe anything he says really. He cannot do this alone, he ***** help. GA meetings would be a great start, maybe a counselor that is trained in gambling addiction. Willpower is not the way, it is destined to fail. Here is what I would do: take away all access to money, no matter what and how much. Make sure all accounts are in your name only, if possible take his name of any car titles as well (I speak from experience). You should be on none of his credit cards and vice versa. If necessary, try to install some red flags on accounts so you get notified if something happens there. Pull BOTH your credit reports and install a monitoring service so that you will be warned should there be an application for any kind of card or loan. If your hb is willing to work on a true recovery, if he acknowledges that he has lost control, he will not object, to protect himself and the family. He should only have enough cash to buy necessities, like gas or lunch. He ***** to bring home receipts and the change. If this causes him to get angry with you, it is a sign that he is not ready yet. Not gambling includes not buying any lottery or scratch tickets, not entering any sweepstakes, basically nothing that costs money OR includes the chance of winning something, no matter it it is money or something else. I understand that you feel like a probation officer, I did too. I hated having this burden on my shoulder on top of everything else. But I understood that that is the ONLY way to work this. Our marriage did not survive, too much pain and hurt and loss. But my hb is finally in recovery,has been for over 3 yrs now and is a changed man. We have arranged the finances in such a way that I have most of the income and he has just enough to live off it. We talk about extra expenses he might have and he will always give me proof without me asking. It sounds really brutal but that is the way to give you some peace of mind and the opportunity to take care of yourself, which is what the addiction hates most. It doesn’t like to be ignored. Some casinos ban for a lifetime here (WA) but there is always another one, just another way to keep feeding the beast. Trust ***** to be earned back, it is not a privilege once the lies and the manipulations have become part of your life. For me, gambling addiction is like a contagious cancer of the soul. It grows and spreads until you can’t breath anymore. It will not stop until everything and everyone is destroyed. It is hard to hear all this and you might be weary of all the stuff you are supposed to keep in mind or to do but it will get better if you take the time to get better yourself first. I wish you luck out there in Indiana 🙂