Hi Wheretonow
Welcome to Gambling Therapy.
You are amongst friends here who care and who understand everything you say without judgement.
You are married to a man with a compulsion to gamble that is manipulative. It is the master of manipulation, so please don’t issue any threats that you do not intend to carry through. Each time we say we are going to do something and not do it the addiction rubs it’s hands together – it has won a stay of execution and it is an addiction that lives very much for the minute without any thought for tomorrow.
You have tried so many ways to help your husband and I know them all x. Unfortunately your friend who said to give him a gambling allowance was incorrect. A compulsive gambler cannot gamble responsibly and it is what the gamble does to their minds that is the bit we cannot understand. You feel that the worst thing he has done is ***** from his children and I am not excusing the addiction but the addict does not see to whom the money they ***** belongs – it is purely the tool that their addiction demands. Compulsive gambling has everything to do with the gamble and not the money.
His addiction has been getting away with it for some time and it is now time for you to take the gloves off. Keep posting and learning about the addiction. In my opinion it is better to do nothing hasty but wait until ‘you’ are ready and in control of your life again and it does come with knowledge, strength and positive thinking. I would not be writing on here if it were not true.
Are you considering taking your children with you and if not what is that going to do to you? On this forum it is ‘you’ that matters and I would be letting you down if I didn’t push thoughts around with you. What you do in the end will be entirely up to you. I cannot tell you what to do and I will never judge your decision.
Leaving an addiction is never bad and that goes for the CG and non-CG alike. I hear from your post that you love your husband and I believe that that ‘love’ is unconditional but you do not and cannot love his addiction and is the difference.
Don’t be disgusted with yourself. The addiction would be pleased that you are and you don’t want to give an inch to this compulsion because you do not own it and you have decided to separate yourself from it. I lived with the addiction in my life for 25 years and I am not disgusted with myself. I am proud of the fact that I do not and will not live with it ever again. I hope that by sharing you will learn to love yourself because you are so important and unique and special you have just had the rugged pulled away from under your feet so many *****, you don’t feel it.
I have to open a group now but I know that others will write to you. If you read this in the next hour the F&F group is open – just click on connect and we will be communicating in real time.
So for now I send you my love and belief that ‘you’ will overcome because you are ready.
Velvet ****
