Hi Wheretonow, the situation you are in is familiar to me as they will be to many reading. I am please to see you have already had excellent responses from Velvet and that you have visited the group. Please don’t be hard on yourself for marrying the man you love or for having kids with him, we can never know the way things will turn out. Compulsive gambling is a horrible illness that clouds every judgment and makes the suffer manipulative and secretive. When a compulsive gambler takes money the addiction convinces him he will repay it because of course he is going to win. Unfortunately there is no such thing as winning for a Cg as they can not walk away even when they are up, they spend their life chasing loses and it is a vicious circle.
Compulsive gambling is treatable and although it can never be cured, many CG’s do go on to have happy fulfilled gamble free lives. They have to want to have that treatment though and that is the issue. As Velvet has already said a gambling allowance will not help, gambling tends to get worse when not treated and gambling in any form is a complete no no even if it is for very little or no money, it keeps the addiction alive within the person. Has your husband ever sought help? Would he be willing to try? When you talk to him you could try separating out the person for the gambling then when he says things like ‘if you loved me…’ you can say I love you but I can not live with the gambling. I found that put me in a psychologically stronger position.
The addiction thrives in secrecy and you need support, it is nothing to be ashamed of, you have done nothing wrong so if there are people you can confide in then take the opportunity to do so. Take care of yourself and your kids first always. You are doing the right thing taking charge of the finances even if that is not working 100%, it can be so hard to stop a CG getting hold of money when they are in the full grip of the addiction as your husband seems to be.
Only you can know when the time has come to walk away, it is something you will feel within yourself. Spending a lot of time with a CG leaves you feeling really weak and beaten down so you will be stronger than you think. If you are not yet ready to make that break urge him to seek help, make him understand this is the only hope for his life getting better and your relationship surviving. What ever you do decide make sure you are very clear and 100% committed to what you say you are going to do, any backtracking will be seen as weakness by the addiction and will lead to more manipulation. Ultimately you must do what you feel is right for you and your family, what ever path you take you will always find support here. Lil x
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. (Maria Robinson)