Dear MrsL. Welcome to this site – it is good you have reached out to a place of support. You can find non-judgemental consideration of your situation here; you will be listened to and can also hear the suggestions of others who love a compulsive gambler (cg) family member. My situation is that I have an adult son who has been gambling for at least 10 years and is not in a good place in life. I joined this site about 18 months ago and have been encouraged to look after myself, ie seek my own recovery first. We can each do something about ourselves, but we cannot ‘make’ a partner or son change his ways, no matter how much we care about them. This approach often seems strange to family members, but it means we can live a good life (not an easy one, but one with its own satisfactions) and be strong for the gambler, now and in the future if/when he seeks his own recovery. Being strong for now can often mean we feel more apart from the one we love, because we are choosing a healthy way of life and he is choosing a destructive one. He is allowing addiction to control his way of life, but we don’t have to be controlled by it. He will not have chosen to be an addict and he will have other deeper-level problems, but he has to make his own decision to find recovery. Gambling may have seemed an ‘escape’ from painful things, but it has become a terrible trap instead. But one from which there are ways of ‘escape’, when the cg is ready to work hard to find them. I hear that you and your husband have faced a huge number of losses and great sorrow in your life together. You are both very hurt. People here do care about you and will help you. You can have a brighter future – it takes work and perseverance, but it will be worth it. I wish you well and sincerely hope you will use this support network as much as you need. Very best wishes, Monique . xxKeep hope alive.
