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Hi Kin! Bettie is so right about not being able to move forward if we are stuck in regret about the past. Have you considered going to GA meetings several ***** a week Kin, and seeing a counsellor/mental health therapist, and physician? This would allow you to work out your emotions and thoughts with someone who could help you change your way of thinking. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works wonders for a lot of people. It helps you change the tapes that keep running in our head telling us negative things about ourselves, and allows us to reframe these thoughts. I have always found that you’re so hard on yourself Kin. Remember to be kind to yourself. Kin, I love that you helped the blind man and bought your Mom delicious food. There are many, many opportunities to bless others, if we are open to see them. Progress not perfection Kin, Carole