5-13-13 Well Mother’s Day was a real bummer. He had to work, he’s on his eight day shift right now. So I got periodic texts saying he was sorry for this or that, especially that he could not go get me a gift (“because remember I took his cards!” thanks for reminding me). It was nice spending the day with the kids; I really enjoyed that.

I am short of temper. I blew up at my daughter Sunday evening. The outward reason was because her father and she decided to do dual enrollment next year…senior year of high school and start college. More honest reason was because I have no idea how that will be paid for considering everybody we owe and that she did not include me in on any discussions. I guess I have been that unavailable with everything going on, that ******* up in this ****. That makes me feel very guilty.

Going tonight to my first meeting(Gamanon). I have to miss part of my son’s baseball game in order to go, again I feel quilty. I hope this helps me to get my head right and start to process everything better. I do not know how realistic this is but I want to deal with everything and get over it so I can have a normal life and I want that to happen NOW. I just want to be happy. He is also going to his second GA meeting. He seems very positive about everything and says he is committed to this. I still think we both need additional therapy. But I wanted to listen to tonight first.
Not alot of thoughts today…just grumbles. Keeping my fingers crossed that tonight helps.