I have not created anything new, but, the dork that I am, I have enjoyed admiring my clean and organized garage!
We met with the counselor on Monday. It was pretty basic trying to get a feel for his personal background, what her past and current gambling habits are, current **** and temperment. I was very surprised that he wanted me present for everything. I had not planned on going in with him but he wanted me to hear what he said. It was uncomfortable at ***** and for the most part I tried to keep quiet, this was his deal not mine. She did ask me what we wanted out of this or what each of us wanted to accomplish. Our answers were pretty much the same, to take our lives back. He did gloss over some answers especially when it came to how he feels. There’s a surprise a man that doesn’t want to talk about his feelings. I some***** wonder though if he believes the way he acts and is, is all life is meant to be. He can be snippy at *****, lack of energy, no motivation, just seems lost. I hope he doesn’t think this is all there is to life, I hope he can have faith there is something more. So now we wait for a call back and referral; should be this week.
I am feeling better. I am trying to lead by example in a positive way instead of being mad. My initial concern was if I began moving forward would the distance between us grow or would he eventually catch up with me? I am having glimmers of hope that as I make progress with myself and begin to tackle projects and complete them he will eventually follow. He is currently on his four days off and he’s been struggling, he admitted it to me. He has been trying to keep himself busy but I think he is having a hard time getting himself motivated. I haven’t criticized that, just told him it would come when he was ready. He then commented well look at what you accomplished with the garage. You did that by yourself. Soooo I thought it was positive that he noticed what I was doing. Maybe he will, when he’s ready, have a positive change in attitude and think constructively not de-constructively. He wants it because he’s noticed.
The past couple days I know he has been having urges. We call wanting to gamble urges. But as far as I know he has fought those and succeeded so far. It has had me sitting on pins and needles at work as I pray he can stay strong. I have been finding reasons to call periodically just to make sure he is doing ok. I have to say today is really shakey, I am worried.
I heard an awesome saying last night, that I want to paint on something and hang up in our house. “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?” I love that.
And how do I get my posts to format nicely???