#1754
velvet
Moderator

Dear BB
I haven’t got long tonight and I have written on Adele’s thread that I would address the issue of **** that is being mentioned on so many threads.  I feel that I need to speak about it a bit quicker in view of your latest post.
Why ****?    When addiction fills the head of a CG they feel worthless.   The addiction to gamble is failure driven and failure affects every aspect of the CG’s life.    A CG can feel emasculated by his addiction and **** is a way to feel better – a way to prove, in secret, that certain parts still work and that they are still men. 
You said your *** life sucked and it is very likely that your husband was unable to show you a loving ***ual act because his mind was full of gambling – he was unable to feel love as it should be felt.   It is the reason that many non-CGs think their loved ones have mistresses and then find out that it is the addiction to gamble that is the mistress – the thing that has taken their loved one away.
I am sorry that I am bolting this off but I have a sense of urgency from your post – I would like to have dealt with this with more consideration,   Please do not take this personally.   It is highly likely that your husband will not be able to explain to you why he has watched ****.    ‘You’ have not failed but he thinks that he has. 
I have known CGs who have gone with other women, women they did not love because it relieved them.   It is easier to have *** with someone they do not care for than to show love with the person they love and who loves them.    
I am not making excuses BB.   I personally loathe ****.   I have learned to understand from a few CGs that their addiction caused them problems in bed with the person they love.  I believe what I have heard to be true and I believe that in control of an addiction a man can show love in bed.
There is post in ‘My Journal’ which I hope will help you but I need time to remember where I saw it.  
You are not weak.   You ‘are’ enough.   The addiction strips away all that is good.   It seems you have seen the man you loved in the last few days and I am so sorry that this latest blow has hit you so hard.  
I really do have to go.   Please ask me anything you want to ask.  Pop into the group or contact the help-line for one-to-one.
I cannot tell you what to do but if it was me I would talk to him – he might be too ashamed to open up or he might he relieved to talk.   Whatever happens look after you.  
Velvet