Dear BB
Focusing on you and the kids is good. A safe zone is good. I am not sure why perving at **** is something that people don’t know why they do, but none the less I guess it can be a form of escapism for some. What comes across to me is the hurt and or resentment in the reception you get when you express your ***** or concerns to him, sometimes its easier and less painful to beat a retreat, leaving things unresolved only to have it raise its head at a later date.
I guess its not nice to hate your husband but then again its not nice to be on the receiving end of such treatment, and I am guessing the foul treatment came first and the dislike set in slowly and over time. I still believe recovery is possible but that it is not an abstinence of gambling or just that should I say. And for us it is not just about a lack of gambling in our lives, it is the recognition of the need to change some of the traits that grow up around the addiction and also our learning that we do not have to tolerate what can be dished out that we are worth a little bit more than that. Hopefully when both people change there can at some point be a meeting in the middle, new ways of being can emerge but can take time and loads of it.
Don’t beat yourself up, you will give you a bigger pounding than he can ever give you. Use your support networks to the hilt and look after you.

JennyWe see things not as they are, but through how we are today x