Thank you for your kind words of support on my thread. I can hear your pain too, as well as despair in your writing. I know how difficult it is. I also hear a very strong woman and when you said you remembered enough of yourself to recognize what you will not tolerate for yourself or your children I think you made a declaration of how far you have come in a short time. Please don’t be hard on yourself for letting him back in the house. You are not weak. You love your husband – along with all the other feelings you are having – and navigating this incredibly difficult situation will inevitably bring many feelings, all of them to be expected I think.
I am still pretty fresh down this road myself, and I certainly don’t know what the answer is for anyone else, but I do know that it is true that focusing on yourself (not that I have that down yet really) is the best possible route as it is in coming to know yourself again that you will find your own answers. I tried so hard to figure out where my boundaries were in the face of what my partner was doing and as I learned about the addiction I tried and figure things out from his perspective as well hoping that the uncertain outcome will be the one I wanted and that my choices would support that hoped for outcome. And from all that I have experienced and read there is nothing more true than the fact that they will come to their own realization (or not) regardless of what we do…when they are truly ready to make a change they will make it no matter what is happening around them.
I’m so glad you have taken steps to protect yourself financiall and I think it’s amazing that you are seeing the addiction more clearly when it rears it’s head in conversations you are having with your husband as it does help in at least some small measure to not take things personally.
I hope you are feeling stronger this week and I am so glad you have found this site and all the support that is here for you.