Thanks for your responses Velvet. The last two weeks for many reasons, I’m not going to list them all the reason themselves are not important, have been very difficult….stressful. We had been getting along relatively well and about a week ago the arguing started again. I have to say the initial arguing started on my side. Irritable with him for seeming to being doing well while I felt like I was coming unglued. Ironic isn’t it when all I have wanted is him to be doing well? Everything came to a head yesterday…he played golf with a friend then went to his counselling session. He said it went well. Then texted me to see if it was ok to go out to lunch with the guy he played golf with. I didn’t have a problem with it…next text wanted to know if it was ok if they stuck around for a couple beers. I wasn’t please about it but I thought choosing between beers with buddies or gambling, beers were preferable. Unfortunately they ended up getting drunk, he was not able to go to GA and by the time I got back from Gam anon he was gone again. Came home drunk and belligerent. We argued, he left and never came home. I left a message asking him to please just let me know that he was ok and he couldn’t even do that. I feel like I am so out of my league…I do not know what to do or how to respond to this. Part of me wants to walk away…a large part. It’s funny how easy it is to slip back in to a pattern of coddling and wanting to help and protect the CG, which I have done.
Between my CG and the past two weeks my confidence has been just shredded and I let it happen. I really need to go back to just worrying about myself. I have been sitting her while I work wondering what to do and I guess that is the answer. Back to just taking care of me and the kids. Why is it so easy to slip back to trying to take care of the CG and not placing ourselves first?
It is a lonely place to be. I wish for him to be his old self again because I want a companion. **** I would settle for a friend. If he has not trash talked me to our friends, I have shut the rest out…so there are not alot left to choose from. This sucks.