On a side note even though I found this site only two days ago, I found this has become my release. It is scary and a re***f that there are so many others walking in the exact same steps I am.
He went last night to GA for the first time. I thought he was going to back out. He looked totally defeated and scared (reminded me of a child) when I got home from work. I got a little teary when he was saying he didn’t want to go. He said he didn’t want to be around “those people”. I didn’t push or comment, I just told him the choice was his, I couldn’t make him go. He seemed to pull himself together we made dinner together and had dinner as a family. Normal chit chat.
I gave the kids a heads up that we had to go to an appointment and he asked what appointment. I just looked at him and said did you decide not to go. No answer. He came out to the kitchen said he hadn’t gambled in two days (a ***) and didn’t want to go. I again told him the choice was his. He had to want to go or we were wasting our time. He finally said ok. He **** his feet like a child in getting ready, his shoes on, getting in the car. I never said a word just waited patiently, hoping I looked calm on the outside, not showing what a mess I was on the inside. I was silently screaming, begging and raging for him to go.
In the car on the way he became angry. I said I can turn around it’s up to you. He then started to beg and cry. Promising he would never gamble again. By this time I was already there and pulled into a parking spot. I repeated I couldn’t make him go but this was bigger than both of us. We needed to learn how to manage it. Back to anger got out of the car. Wanted to know if he was just supposed to walk in there and ask where GA was. His **** swings were mind boggling. Went in with him, found the room. He told me he could do it the rest of the way.
He went. I got the impression it was not as bad as he envisioned. He seemed very upbeat afterwards. Said everyone had the same story as him…*****, secrets, ******** etc. Also promised to return. We really did not have a chance to talk after because the kids were home when we got back and honestly he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk. So I don’t know how he. He showed me a brochure, the standard stuff which is on the GA’s web page and he also had some papers that as soon as we got home he put in his car. He did not show me what they were.
That was a small victory attending GA. But I know he gambled on Wednesday. It seems like when he is really stressed that triggers the gambling. He admitted to me today that he returned an item and got the money for it. It was a belt for our lawn mower that did not fit.
I am praying that last night he truly committed himself to this. He told me he has.
As far as my in-laws are concerned. They are oblivious and my anger is simmering. He is supposed to tell his two sisters. I have not pushed concerning his parents; I am torn where they are concerned, because my FIL is progressing further into Alzheimer’s Disease. He is still able to function with my MIL’s help on their own and his memory gaps are sporadic with no real rhyme or reason. So at this point I am afraid pushing this issue with them will make it worse rather than better.
Sometimes I feel my anger towards them is not justified but I also feel they robbed him of so many opportunities. And yes, I am angry because I feel like they sabotaged our relationship from the get go with it having no real chance of succeeding.