Welcome to Gambling Therapy
I am sorry I have not replied sooner but I have been away for Easter. I am glad that you heard from Larry because as always he makes a lot of sense.
I cannot tell you what to do because that would be wrong – you have to make your own decisions but hopefully sharing and talking will help you do that.
The addiction to gamble is very secretive and your husband’s addiction wants you to take the blame. The addiction is divisive and it will not want you to talk to his family but if his family do not know they cannot support him in the right way. If you do talk to them it would be good if you could tell them that you have sought help and that you are aware that clearing his gambling debts feeds his addiction and is the wrong way to support a CG (compulsive gambler).
The lies, manipulation, anger are all part of your partner’s addiction and he ***** the right treatment. As Larry says you can direct him to the right treatment but you cannot stop him gambling and the best thing you can do is to protect yourself. I know how upsetting living with this addiction can be but getting angry with your husband or getting into arguments with him will not help. His addiction likes confrontation, it is the master of threats and manipulation and I suspect you are not.
If you get a job it is important that you do not give your husband cash. Giving cash to a CG, is the same as giving a drink to an *********. If you look at the forum below this one called ‘Friends and Family Topic Forum’ you can see where we have focussed on ‘enablement’ – I hope that will help you. Ensure the money you earn is in your name and that he has no access to it.
At the top of this page click on to ‘Resources’ and in ‘Location’ scroll down to ‘World’. Click ‘Gambling help’ and then ‘Search’. Scroll down to ‘Gamblers Anonymous – Twenty Questions’. Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of these questions. In my opinion most members who have lived with the compulsion to gamble will also be able to answer yes to at leave seven of those questions. It might help to print them off and leave them for you partner to see – he may not realise that he is not alone and that he ***** help. If he screws them up and throws them away do not worry – you could do no more.
Please update soon. We have live Friends and Family groups (***** in the top right hand box of this page) and you would be welcome to join us and communicate in real time. Do you have a Gamanon group near you? Gamanon is the sister group of GA (Gamblers Anonymous). There is no shame to be felt that this addiction is in your life – you are not to blame for your husband’s addiction and you do need to protect yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you again