aching heart

Hi madge spoke to u earlier… I can most certainly identify with everything ur saying as I am in d middle of it… Like I said John is out of the house since last wk I’m using this time to rebuild myself which is hard in itself … I use this site to vent as ur d only ppl that truly no wats going on … I no John will be crawling begging in next couple of wks this is where I need help to plan how to stay strong as my normal cycle is to take him back unfortunately I’m in a position that both of us own the house n John manipulates by saying ” he not staying away as its is house too” I dunno where I stand with regards to this any advice anyone…. I too am torn by my heart as I had a dream family n still want it n so hard to let go of this but I no at this point that I’m so weak n exhausted to get my family bk I need to b strong for every1 involved .., I dunno wat d outcome of my actions will be I’m hoping to return to a family with John it n terrified it won’t happen but it’s a chance I have to take… At the minute I have very little contact with John which is killing me as I’m usually stalking him as we doi know if I ring him r talk to him for while I will slip bk into my nagging etc I work overnights n John minds my boys in d family home dunno no if this right r not but he has no where else to take them n I think it’s best for d boys to b in their home d last few days my 3 yr old is asking lots of innocent questions is daddy coming home where’s daddy can we collect daddy from work etc etc this is upsetting me he’s 3 n shouldn’t b feeling this…. Rant over xx