#1478
velvet
Moderator

Hi Madge
Seems to me that your husband is ‘hoping’ that rehab is easy – I know the one my CG went into was certainly not a vacation.   I wonder if this is a smoke-screen so you don’t take it seriously – after all who wants someone who has been wrecking their lives to go and have a vacation – he is possibly hoping you will forget the idea. 
The attitude of the CG matters – they do have to want to change but your husband’s inner self may be different to what he says to you.    I have known CGs who have not told their loved ones of their desire to change because their loved ones have heard it all before – they don’t want to risk ‘another’ public failure.   Nobody can know when real control starts, not the non-CG or the CG.  
Standing up for your own life is not being bossy – it is a tough thing to do when you have been crushed for so long.  
Don’t believe that Paris was a sham because you don’t know.    The addiction takes away our ability to see anything as being good and true – I would imagine his comment that you could do much better than him was heartfelt.    He will have no self-esteem or confidence, he will feel a failure – the addiction to gamble ensures that.   The four day break probably drove the message home that is making a **** of a mess of things.
You will dig your way out.  That expression reminds me of the following story that was put on the forum by a CG some time ago.
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway
It just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back,
the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.
We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up
Do more than just stay alive every day Madge – the addiction is happy that, that is enough for you but you are stronger than your husband’s addiction.  You want to help him get help but if he doesn’t want help then maybe you could help the one person you can help and you know who that is.  
Shovel that dirt off and never give up on you.
Velvet