Taking a break is the right thing to do – eventually moving on and not looking back is the natural order of things as well. This site is here, in my opinion, for F&F for a period in their lives but a period they should be able to leave behind.
There will always be the hope that this promise will be the one that changes everything but just as the non-CG can never be sure, neither can the CG, who can never promise to say they will never gamble again.
We are the ones who can change and know that we mean it but it is a terrifying jump especially when you love someone as much as you so obviously love your CG.
He really does not ‘want’ to be a CG – his addiction sabotages him because it sits on his shoulder and he has never shaken it off. Gambling is all around him and other people can ‘enjoy’ it and walk away – why can’t he? In one way he doesn’t want to because the gamble is so important to him – how will he cope without that wonderful buzz? He completely forgets the downside when he gambles and his total misery afterwards is real but in his gamble-distorted brain it is not his responsibility that he has failed.
I think for many non-CG the final straw is one too many repeats of the same old story – when you knew what would happen in advance. ‘When’ that final straw comes is as difficult to be sure of, as the real determination to change for the CG. Why today – why this time? These are unanswerable questions. I believe that ‘rock bottom’ is the time when it does happen but as that is a mental state it cannot be seen by others.
The longer periods of clear headedness will hopefully stick in his mind – it is, I think, better that there are such periods even if the final leap, to really take control, does take longer.
Loving someone enough to let them go because of this addiction is the hardest but in my view, the greatest act of love.
Forget feeling guilt – I never did get round to tightening my boot laces until far too much water had passed under far too many bridges.
You are right that the questions you are posing yourself will get you nowhere. I can answer one I believe – and that is that you were never just a game to him.
My first husband left me with 3 children under the age of 6 – I didn’t think I could ever trust again. I am celebrating another wedding anniversary soon for a long-term happy marriage where I trust implicitly. I also trust my CG that he will look after himself and use the tools he has to confirm that every day he will not gamble. I can live with both these trusts and live in contentment. You will trust again I am sure.
Just as the raspberries will go over – next year there will be the promise of new. Take each day So and live it – one day you will look back and remember this site and the sadness you felt but it will not hurt.
You are obviously a cracking person with a lovely personality – you will succeed.