You are not back where you were before – with knowledge the only way we can go back would be denial and you are not in denial.
I cannot tell you what to do but my thoughts are these. Whether or not he is in recovery should make little difference to you rebuilding a life where you have confidence in yourself and buckets of self-esteem.
Either way you cannot expect him to change if you don’t get those hiking boots back on and carry on striding down the road you were going which doesn’t take you away from him or towards him
The dumb conversation (which I am sure wasn’t dumb) came about when the parameter headings you had set yourself slipped and they do because desk surfaces are slippery.
What is he asking you to give? Nobody could expect anybody (I think), CG or not, to plan a wedding when there has been such a long separation, especially when it has not been the easiest of separations. If he wants answers from you, you cannot give them.
Of course he should not be telling you all manner of things that are wrong with you – but I do think it is good to listen as it gives an indication of his state of mind. You know what is true and what isn’t, so beating yourself up over a load of piffle is a waste of energy.
At the moment the future is unknown and all options are on the table. Informed decisions should only be made when you are ready.
He cannot, I think, give you the proof you want and would need before you entered a life-time commitment until you meet him again.
If he talked about you at his meeting, all the other members probably expected him to do so – CGs who are trying to recover, or in recovery, do not fall for the blame game from new members which is what they all probably did at the beginning. As a CG said to me a long time ago ‘you can’t kid a kidder’. They don’t sit there accepting everything a new member says but they allow the member to speak. My CG blamed me for at least the first 3months when he was in rehab. It mattered not to me. I wasn’t there but the people who were there allowed him to work out that I was not to blame.
If he is in GA and he is working the 12 steps and not paying lip service he will change and maybe you will get to see that change when you speak to him.
I will leave it there because I know I will see you in a group soon where there is total privacy.
Get those boots on again and get walking. Visit more friends, take up more activities. Do the things you want to do. Prop up the barrier headings again by your computer. We will speak soon.