***** Aj
Welcome to this site where I hope you will soon find a lot of support and help. No one will tell you what to do but you will be helped to bear the pain and anguish you are going through and begin to feel you are not alone.
I am a mother of a cg, which is also very painful, but different in the practicalities. I really feel for you as you experience so much responsibility on emotional, practical and financial levels right now. I wonder if there is anyone who can offer you any help locally too? Eg anyone who can share some of the burden of the business or anyone who can help with domestic tasks – just for a little while, so you can get a little bit of space and build up a bit of energy? I know it is hard to ask and I don’t want to urge you to do something that is not comfortable for you – but just want to urge you not to feel afraid or ashamed to reach out to others, if there is someone willing and able to share your load for a while.
Sometimes we feel ashamed of the mess around us, even though it was caused by the gambler/the gambler’s addiction and not by any failing on our part – but there is no need for shame; we deserve support not blame.
On this site, you will get a lot of emotional support – it can feel strange at first and maybe a bit ‘distant’ as we struggle through the practicalities on our doorstep, but I think in time you will feel strengthened by the love and care of this community and that will make it a little easier to find the courage to get through what you need to do.
Looking after children, including a new baby, is a very demanding and time-consuming task in itself – you deserve help from your partner in this, but find that he is in fact another ‘dependent’ on you now. We all appreciate how difficult this is; but if you can possibly do so, I would urge you not to ‘waste’ any energy acting angrily about this – you have every reason to BE angry, but for your own protection and sanity, I think it is wise to use your energy for coping as well as possible.
Your husband did not WANT to become addicted to gambling but, now that it has happened, he ***** to take responsibility for his recovery and his future, while YOU look after YOURSELF (and your children, of course).
We usually care so deeply about the gambler in our lives, that we forget our own ***** and concentrate on ‘helping’ him, but in order to survive well and live a positive life from now on, we must attend primarily to our own *****.
I hope this makes sense and I hope you will gain benefit from writing on here and also attending the live group sessions.
Lots and lots of good wishes for your well-being. I reach out to you with hope and love,
MoniqueKeep hope alive.
