#2286
jenny46
Participant

Hi AJ
Oh i’d be mad alright but so mad that I would have to think very carefully about how my anger could work for me rather than against me in dealing with what was before me. I agree that someone who is serious about seeking recovery would have found out where their appointment was to be held and certainly made sure for the second time, but that is someone who is serious about recovery, it would be interesting to see whether he does attend if you provide him with the information at least then you know he knows and there is less room for more ‘mistakes’
I would be so mad at the expectation that would have to pay off this gambling debt at all, and after being told i had dropped off the wrong amount and then being expected to take time out to deliver yet another even bigger amount of my own money, I think I would be past seething!! I would probably be more angry with myself for shouldering the responsibility and feeling an obligation to do this. I have felt in the past AJ that I should pay off debts and have indeed done so and resented every second of it. Why do you feel that you have to do this when you do not ? I do not believe it is possible or right to give a CG a clean slate it gives free lisence to carry on running up more debts safe in the knowledge that you will keep clearing them for him. That really is giving him a slide. He is a sick addict and by paying his debts for him will only serve to make him sicker. Perhaps you can get angry enough to say NO to his expectations rather than let his addiction snigger at you in the background as it gets away unscathed.
Why run around after him when you and your children are suffering as you are, his ***** are not more important than yours and your children do deserve a mom who is not unhappy and stressed. Let him face the consequences of his gambling, if he has the bookies on his back and doesn’t like it then good maybe he will eventually reconsider his actions the more inconvienenced he is by his own behavior the better it is for him.
Choose your battles AJ, reconsider what it is that you feel you have to do for him and why. The best changes are the ones that we can make to ourselves, those that give us the confidence to take back control of our own lives and begin to rebuild the person who has become a shell.
Jenny
 
 We see things not as they are, but through how we are today x