#2288
velvet
Moderator

 
Hi AJ
I wrote a long reply to you earlier but I was not happy with it and in retrospect I am glad I saw your latest post first.
In answer to one point in your previous post – I took my CG to GA – because if I had not done so he would not have gone.   I ultimately took my CG to the rehab because if I had not done so, he would not have gone.   By doing these things I was not enabling him but setting myself up for my future.   If he made the effort I would support him.   Your husband doesn’t want to find the GA group because he is probably afraid
It is frustrating when it feels as though the only way for a CG to clear debts is through joint monies.
You have decided to put your heart into helping him recover and I will keep my replies to you with that in mind.
Anger is fine, anger is normal; anger is there for a reason.   Controlling and channelling that anger by turning it into energy for you is good.   I hope that by remembering that the addiction likes your anger because it gives it an excuse to gamble will help you express it in a different way.     Let him know that you are seeking help, that you need support, that his addiction has hurt you but try and say it without anger. Compulsive gambling is a selfish addiction and you need to be selfish in your recovery.   
Your husband has relied on you for everything and that includes enablement.   Taking responsibility for his behaviour is the second stage of his recovery after acceptance of his addiction.   
I cannot stress enough that the best way to support a CG is to look after yourself.   It is foreign behaviour to most non-CGs who tend to be the caring, trusting, loving ones but it is essential, in my opinion, that you look after you and don’t allow yourself to be a victim of this addiction because as a victim you are impotent. Put yourself first and you will be the mom your kids deserve.   Don’t let the addiction hurt your work because that is for you and ‘you’ cannot afford to let it fall apart.   The stronger you are the more the addiction struggles.
If your husband wants to control his addiction then the greatest support you can give is to be strong and not be part of the wreckage he will have to face.  
Keep posting.  
Velvet