Hi AJ
I am not sure what part of the world you live in ? so things may differ as regards for any liability for debt but maybe the helpline could advise you on this? But as I see it you are not responsible and if you do decide that paying it is the only way out then maybe you could think about how you can recoup it from him by withdrawing some of his non essentials perhaps if that is possible. Better still if they do turn up make sure he is the one to deal with them or if alone tell them politely to get lost (making your new found anger work for you!!) If they cause you to be frightened then report them immediately – please do not live in fear for anyone.
I would urge you not to put your heart into sorting out his recovery but more so your head at this stage !! For a while at least just sit back and think about your position and what you want for you and your children. Velvet made an extremely good point regarding ultimatums – they really do not work unless you are really truly prepared to carry them through, if you have thought it through then there cannot be a next time and if there is one then the addiction only draws strength from that. If you are really going to be out next time around, then lay it on the line to him very clearly and mean it – if you cannot then perhaps it is not the right time yet for you to do so.
His share of the business is a waste to you and I – but as yet not too him, his addicted mind is more than capable of not seeing it quite as we do just yet, hang on to that AJ he is not thinking with the mind of a rational person. I felt my problem was often that I could not rationalise the irrational when i accepted that I was able to stop trying and life became a little more simple. He is the one that is based placed to understand but i doubt that he can either. But if I could just understand it maybe it would be different ………. Guess what I still don’t understand and my acceptance that I never will keeps my sanity these days at *****.
Keep your heart for you and your children, you are the one that is deserving of it at the moment and it too ***** to be looked after. Use your mind and your intelligence to learn all you can so that you make the best choices for you, if your answers are not yet coming fluently then I suggest that you need to look after that heart just that little bit better than you maybe doing. I should not be trying to tell you what to do but if i was!! I think I would say read everything you can on this forum within all of its dimensions so that you can learn whatever it is that you may need to know to keep you safe within a time of indecision. Keep reading, keep posting. I would love to read a post from you where you will be telling us that you have done something nice, for just you or you and your children that does not involve the revolting G word !!
Jenny x
We see things not as they are, but through how we are today x
