Welcome, im happy you are able to write your thoughts down, this is a place where you will not be judged, and its great to see you writing both the positive and the negative things in your life. I understand when you say you cant remember yourself, i felt that way too, the person i am was buried underneath this addiction. As time goes on, little peices start to be chipped away, and the person you are, and always have been will be revealed.
Its important to put up barriers, so that you are protected when you either have money, or opportunity to gamble. These are dangerous ***** and you must be ready for them, as this addiction will sneak up on you, and no matter how strong you believe yourself to be, when the urge comes, if your barriers are up, you will be able to get through them.
Can you ask your flatmate to help you, perhaps to hold your cards or chequebook so you dont have any access to money? I commend you on going to Gordon House, a decision that im sure will change your life for the better.
Keep posting, your english is much better than i think you believe it is, and very easy to understand.
Hope to hear more from you,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan