Originally posted by harryp22 in the Overcoming Problems Forum
… I was just wondering if it made thigns better for you telling your family and how you did it
Good evening Harry,
I am posting my reply to your post in the Overcoming Problems Form here as well in case you only visit this page; and if you have alreay read it in the OPF, "only reread it if your have the time".
I see that Tim has forwarded your new topic to this Overcoming Problems Forum, I hope that you see this move as a way to help you get the answers that you ask and not as running you around. I too see this forum as being set up to discuss ways to overcome problems as the name imp***s, but our problems and our lives or so intertwined that most seem to stick to the Journal form. So, like suggested, keep reading and posting to both and you will widen your sources of help. And again, read the post in the F&F Forum, they are not CGs and can not tell you how they told their fami***s about their gambling, but you can see how they reacted to being told and learn of some of the support that you can expect, and what is to be expected of you – being honest is one.
I can not tell you about me telling my family, other than my children, but I can post some of the things about telling loved ones and about keeping secrets. Telling a spouse, significant other, or as in your case your parents, is a hard thing to do, mostly because you are also again admitting to yourself what you have done. But "admitting to ourselves and to another human" is one of the steps we must take to recover. In doing so, it might be best to do it now, as soon as possible – not convenient. Do it before they find out on their own – and they will, if not already known or highly suspected – thus adding to any mistrust you may face. You are at a good stage having started with a recovery process, showing them that you are sincere in facing your need to stop.
If and when you do this, it is vital to be completely honest with them (and yourself). Let them know of your total addiction and the reason for the lack of money. Do not hold anything back for later, telling a little at a time causes additional mistrust each time that you spill out a little more of the story, you will then have to face another barrage of questions and new mistrust. Each time you revise your story they will just think, "what next, what else are you hiding".
Another member has posted "Secrets keep us sick. As long as you continue to *** your way through life when it comes to gambling, you will remain in a cycle where you hate yourself so you gamble, you gamble and you hate yourself, and on and on it goes. I’m never going to say that quitting is easy, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought. I only had to white-knuckle it through the urges, and then I was okay. Give in to them…and I was right back on the treadmill.".
Keep these things in minds, things that others have experienced and found to be true and the best way to approach others. But whatever you decide, keep visiting and participating in the forms here, take action; and most of all Do Not Gamble For Anything, and during this time of abstinence, start making change to the things that allow the addiction to control – take back your life.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Be honest, openminded, and willing.
Larry
"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be gambling free.– 8/17/2010 11:44:00 PM: post edited by paul315.