Thanks a lot for your understanding and kind words. Today I am feeling full of energy again, the baby and I went swimming which was a blast! Haha – wish I could post a photo of how he was splashing in the water, super cute.
My hb couldn’t join the fun, as he had a session with his counselor. Besides the counseling he faithfully goes to GA/NA meetings 6 evenings a week (except tonight, he’s staying home with BabyBerber so I can go out for dinner!) which is more than any of his fellow-rehab people do. He is very much in touch with those people, talks to someone from rehab just about every day on the phone. It is a complete transformation, as he doesn’t have (m)any friends and now feels accepted and I guess respected. Next week I am invited to come and speak to the counselor too, uhoh – feels like I’m called in for detention – not sure why, but if it helps us open up and have a dialogue with a professional there, I’ll be happy to try it.
In answer to your suggestion Monique, we do talk when the baby is asleep. In the evenings usually and things can go quite profound, however the other day he told me quite clearly that there is no space for my feelings in his recovery process. Literally he said: I don’t care how you feel, I can only think of myself now! Although I get that, he did ask me how I felt so: uhm, ≈why ask me in the first place?≈
I love those quotes, about happiness – it feels good to pause for a moment and realize that any negative thoughts in my head can be replaced with my own brainpower, just have to train my brain really hard some days
Adele: yes, I have come really far. Thank you! So has my husband, but since it’s my thread I can proudly say that I’ve grown so much since my first post. Wow, from insecure and super-naive to not-so-naive and strong/less insecure!
His parents seem to have backed off a bit and my hb does not always have his phone or computer near him (which is new!) and the distance is doing everyone good. My MIL seems willing to help us wherever she can (genuinely), seems interested, even asked me if I eat enough (yes yes, I lost so much weight but doing my best to gain again!). I will always beware, but hey.
Today we can smile at eachother again and to our little boy as always, he shows us God exists and we have been brought together for a reason.