Dear friends,
Yeps V., baby Bear was not happy last night. Hope this evening is a bit calmer. My husband is going to NA/GA meetings 6 evenings per week and we are trying to find a balance so that I don’t feel like a ‘single’ mom with 2 kids. My cg has trouble waking up his brain in the morning and I’m running around doing ‘everything’, fun things he can handle fine with the baby (as he is not yet working) but as soon as there is ‘stress’ I can see he is ready to throw in the towel. Example: at lunch/dinner time, when the baby does not like something/is upset.
The counselling session was good, 2 days ago. She (the counselor) managed to explain to my husband how important it is to me that he helps more around the house and with our son. She also asked me if I was ‘angry’ – which I am not. I am feeling frustrated, disappointed and hurt sometimes, but ‘angry’ ..well, not with my husband. With the addiction: yes! Of course.
Also, I had commented earlier that he should clear my name with my inlaws. Inspite of how embarrassed he feels, I know it will make me feel more at peace if he tells them that I did not parasite off of him nor that I ever took any of his money. And, that he has **** for the benefit of his addiction. We got quite emotional and the counselor set a date for the next appointment, which is when my husband has got to have come clean to his parents.
Since yesterday he found a ‘sponsor’ to help with his recovery. Today my husband asked me if I would ‘do the 12 steps’ together with him. I am hesitant because I don’t want him to ‘lean’ on me since I know I would work hard and seriously on them but I do not want to hold his hand as he ***** to do this himself. Has anyone of you, non-cg’ers, done the 12 steps?
What was weird, this morning, all of a sudden my husband came downstairs, done with meditating and he hurridly gave me his bankcard: "here, take it. I just had this idea to go and buy a credit-receipt at the gasstation and gamble online in an internetcafé." (We both have gamble blockers on our computers) I had given him his bankcard last night so he could use it for parking, but I always keep close watch. This was a big warning for me to never be complacent.
Have a good weekend all.