whenever I see the word ‘need’ I have to read it twice.
Whenever I see the word ‘need’ I have to read it twice.
My CG who lives in control of his addiction said that what my ‘need’ was when he was actively pursuing his addiction was not ‘his’ need. His sole need was to gamble and my ***** were irrelevant. My ‘need’ was that he obeyed my rules and did not bring his addiction under my roof – his need, although not deliberate, was that he did. I lived with his addiction in my life for 25 years and I did all the wrong things for all the right reasons because ‘I did not know’ what was wrong until the last couple of years and by then, quite frankly, I didn’t believe it – my mind was stretched too far.
The addiction to gamble is in the mind – it is not something that can be medicated against – it requires proper treatment. Never underestimate it. If you think he has ****** from you the chances are that he has. Know in advance what your action will be if he betrays your trust – his addiction is forever awake and ready to defend itself. If you doubt yourself it will see the crack in your defence. My own attitude is that I will never again allow the addiction to gamble into my life. It is a question of getting your own mind strong to the possibilities and meaning what you say.
Without wishing to be a scare-monger – I believe your wife is possibly the most vulnerable and the one he could seek out for enablement. The tears, the lies, the manipulation are incredible and make a person without the addiction doubt their sanity.
Friends and Family often bemoan the fact that they have become like detectives – that is not how they see themselves or want to live their lives. Fortunately when the non-CG comes out of the shadow of the addiction such behaviour does go away. I fully appreciate you do not want to be a jailor but equally I don’t want your brother to make you and your wife feel imprisoned by his addiction.
Perhaps you could look in our other forum ‘My journal’. It is for CGs who are trying to live in control of their addiction and where I am glad to say where many, many are succeeding. They would be the first to tell you not to underestimate them – but that is because they have accepted their addiction.