Welcome to Gambling Therapy. Sorry the welcome took so long in coming but I have been unwell and trying to write when one’s brain is not in gear is not a good idea.
You wanted to hear success stories and I am privileged to say I have heard and seen many. My CG has been in recovery for years and going from strength to strength so I ‘know’ the addiction to gamble can be controlled or I would not be writing to you.
Gamanon didn’t suit you but the fact that you tried it shows openness on your part to understand and that is important. Knowledge of the addiction to gamble helps us cope with it.
You have already achieved a lot by keeping the lines of communication open and learning not to shout. You certainly don’t deserve to have the addiction to gamble in your life but then nor does your husband. What seemed an innocent pastime to him and his family has turned into a nightmare for you all – which is typical of this secretive, corrosive addiction.
I accept that you say that you are staying in the marriage to give the children a stable childhood. Maybe you might like to look in our F&F topic forum (the next forum down) where we focus on issues, one of which is called ‘What can I Tell my Children?’ Three mothers who love CGs have made entries and maybe they will help. if you pose any thoughts there I will answer you on your thread.
I’m afraid the steady drip of information on debts is typical of the addiction. The CG believes the non-CG will take smaller pieces and deal with them gradually and easier as they are afraid of the reaction, whereas the non-CG would rather know the whole picture so that they can make informed decisions. I hope your husband’s therapist has got him to tell you everything now.
Gamanons vary – they are made up of people and people vary from one week to the next. It is good to get physical support but I do know that many F&F members have found their recovery just using this site.
Your husband believed he was cured. Hopefully, he knows now that he cannot be cured but he can control his addiction and he can live a wonderful life – often more special because of the terrible experience he has had to the courage to face. He can turn the terrible experience into something good – I have seen it and heard it happen many *****.
Likewise I believe that those who love CGs can turn their lives around and live better lives for experiencing this addiction. It does take courage but it can be done.
In this forum we offer support without judgement and whatever you decide you will be understood. We have Friends and Family Groups that are private, where we communicate in real time – nothing said in a group appears on the forum. You will be very welcome to join us – the ***** are in the top right hand box of this forum page.
You seem a positive person and you are looking after your finances. The greatest damage, however is to our self-esteem and confidence so it is important in our recovery to find the strength to do the best we can for ourselves. As victims of the addiction we are powerless but with knowledge we can learn to care about ourselves which is the best thing for children and ultimately for the CG. The greater the wreckage created by the addiction the harder it is for the CG to come to terms with and take responsibility for)what his behaviour has caused. Whatever your outcome, it will be better for you all if your husband stays gamble-free and seeing you coping will help him do that. The greatest revenge you can have on the addiction to gamble is to be happy.
I look forward to hearing from you again but will leave it there for now
Well done on starting a thread