Lots of posts this morning, lots going on in my mind. It is easy to beat myself up and go through the torture of what ive lost and why did i do it and im so stupid etc etc, today i am going to choose not to do that.. I am going to give myself the advice i would give to others as Janey said to me. I am going to as best i can today release the guilt and accept its happened, i accept it was my doing, that i have an addiction but i am doing the best i can to get help. I am taking steps to change my life and within a very very small amount of time it is miraculously changing.. I am going to be kind to myself. My whole life i have hated who i am and been really mean to myself. I have to be my own best friend now. How much nicer are the days if i do that. I didnt want to be an addict to gambling. I didnt want to ruin my life.. I did it. Its done. Its gone. There is nothing i can do about what has happened. There is something i can do about today. My family do not support me in any way shape or form in this and that is their choice. I have support of a counsellor, i have here and i have GA.. thats all the support i need. I do believe there is something more, i do believe there is a higher power with me, somehow i feel it. Somehow i know it. There is guidance coming from somewhere and its not from me. Maybe because ive decided to stop whinging about my life and change what i dont like. Im putting that big emotional stick away that i beat myself with. I do deserve a life.. its taken me wasting most of it to realize it but so be it. I do the best i can today. Its all i have to do. I dont have to be perfect, i just have to change my attitude and believe this is possible and i do. I will give myself the opportunity to recover.
P
