Hi Pink
You have made an informed decision and you have done a lot of work on ‘you’ since you arrived in the forum – terrific – give yourself a gold star.
Physical abuse is not symptomatic of the addiction to gamble and from what you say I would consider that your partner is an abusive man. If a CG steals to feed their addiction and then changes their life and controls that addiction, they will no longer be a thief. If a thief becomes a CG and then controls the addiction, they will (probably) still be a thief. I suspect the same applies with a physically violent person. The addiction does worsen unless it is treated and if an abusive man’s addiction is thwarted then I suggest he resorts to his natural instincts. You are thwarting your partner’s addiction.
Do you feel relieved having made your decision?
As a site we deal with the addiction to gamble and not physical abuse so I am pleased that San has written to you with her knowledge.
I certainly don’t hear a cry-baby but tears are totally acceptable, understandable and natural.
I never do ‘what if’ or ‘if only’ but I have answered my own ‘why me’ with – ‘why not me? I am not hard Pink and I have always had a tendency to put the ***** of others before my own, being selfish will never come naturally to me nor do I want it to. I am not selfish when I say I will not let the addiction to gamble into my life again – I am protecting all those around me by doing so and yes, that includes me.
You are not being selfish retiring to a part of the house where you can be quiet and not abused. You are not being selfish getting a job that removes you from an unhealthy relationship. You are looking after you and ultimately that will be the right thing for everybody around you.
You believe you see narcissistic men stomping on others and treating people like garbage and for whom things magically seem to work out – but do you see a happy people? I think not. CGs are not happy. They neither asked for nor wanted their addiction – they want to be like others and gamble responsibly but they can’t.
I believe the way we change Pink is by being determined that life will not screw us up. It is by taking the bad experience and allowing it to educate us not hurt us any more. It is by being ‘calmly’ resolute.
I believe you are on a site of good people – in both forums. Our CGs are trying to change their lives, facing terrible demons and regretting the behaviour caused by their addiction, our F&F are trying to change their lives for the better by learning about what bought them here and trying to make a bit of sense out of the most senseless thing that has ever happened to them. Everybody ***** a little selfish time to come to terms with who they are and what they need to change if they want a better life and that is why you are here.
Keep posting, keep learning, you are doing well. You haven’t got your head stuck up your backside or you wouldn’t be seeing things as they are not as you wanted to believe they were. Tomorrow is not predictable and today is the only day you can live at one time – what you do today determines your tomorrow.
Accepting the things we cannot change is the hardest part but you doing that – well done.
Velvet
