Poetry.
I thought I’d heard all the phrases, ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, ‘change takes time’, One day at a time’, etc., but "a chisel instead of a sledgehammer" is a new one for me, yet, it defines me.
I want instant results…too much. I’m afraid I want/demand this more than a healthy person. In fact, this just provided me with illuminating insight into the primary reasons I gambled in the first place – instant gratification for fun, excitement and quick cash. Eventually, the fun yielded to excitement and quick cash and then excitement yielded to solely quick cash and I had arrived at my destination. Gambling wasn’t fun or exciting any more, I was on a mission of instant, financial gratification and I believe its safe to say that using gambling to achieve this goal is the very definition of using a sledgehammer. It only makes sense that I would also use this strategy in my thought processes for recovery and/or anything else I’m attempting to achieve. A chisel versus a sledgehammer…it’s so simple and unintimidating at the same time. I can see how the application of this mental imaging could be beneficial.
I also appreciate how you pointed out that recovery doesn’t necessarily move in a straight line of emotional successes. Yet, this is what I was expecting; that the optimism I feel about my gambling abstinence and emotional recovery should get better and my resolve stronger each and every day/week, not stagnant or worse. Unrealistic demands will simply accomplish nothing, other than grief and quite possibly could be damaging. I had forgotten what was so obvious to me in the beginning of my recovery – that freeing (not forgetting) oneself from excessive guilt and shame is absolutely critical to a durable and lasting recovery. Another day of not gambling gets me another day closer to the person I want to become, regardless of the peaks and valleys of unrecognized emotions.
Your post really helped me to look at my recovery from a different perspective these last couple of day, and I thank you for this. I’m sure grateful I’m not alone in this quest as it sucks enough already.
Day 25 for me, with no end in sight.
