Hi Muckalow
How are you and what is the position with your CG?
Your husband probably meant what he said when he made the pact with his family and friends but when it came to the date that had been agreed, he didn’t have the determination to carry it through. He would probably have built himself up for such a date and that build up, in itself, would have had his brain in a spin and a spinning brain is not condusive to a good early recovery.
You mention close friends and family being aware of your husband’s problem. That is really good and will be a substantial support for him when he does take a real leap of faith.
Are the friends and family who know, all aware that enablement feeds the addition and helps it to thrive. As long as I enabled my CG, he could not rake up the courage to make his stand. We have focussed on enablement in the F&F topic forum below this – I know it is not easy – giving money to a CG is the same as giving a drink to an *********. Money does not have any meaning apart from a tool with which to gamble so if anybody lends him money, helps him with his gambling debts, gives him free rent, accompanies him to where he gambles – they are enabling. The addiction is divisive and unity between those who care is so important.
I am not sure if it is a female instinct to know when there is wrong in the house – I certainly knew it, although I didn’t know what ‘it’ was. I am sure men can know it too.
Do you know where he goes when you throw him out? What happened when he got paid?
I think it is possible for a CG to ‘try’ too hard. It is important that he gets the right support when he does start his recovery. It takes great courage and there is a massive void to fill. It is good if those around him help him fill his time with good thoughts and good things to do. Other CGs walking with him will help him tremendously too because they understand him as you and I cannot.
How are you coping with him away? It is important for you that you fill your time too and do things perhaps you had stopped doing when the addiction was in your home.
‘If’ you haven’t thrown him out please still post – I did all the wrong things for all the right reasons for 25 years and I know how difficult it is to remove the addiction from your home when you love the man who owns it.
There will never be any judgement on this forum
Speak soon and perhaps pop into a group
Velvet
