#1913
jenny46
Participant

Dear M
The ***s are difficult to deal with, even when you know you are being told a ***, they continue and just to top it off you are then supposed to feel bad for even suggesting that your loved one is telling ***s – how dare you even think that !!! I suspect that whatever you find out for yourself will still not be the whole picture and if you continue to do this you will surely burn yourself out eventually, it is more likely that no matter how good your private detective skills become, they will not be good enough to keep up and sadly can only serve to increase the level of deception and secrecy.
If you have protected yourself financially and he cannot access your family funds, then it could be better for you to try not to find out what he is up to, after all you do already know. You will end up being confronted with yet more ***s to wind you up and so it goes on, you have or will become a part of his cycle and it will alter nothing. It is his addiction that is playing you like a fiddle, it knows you well and thinks it knows exactly how you will react and its currently safe and secure in its be***fs about itself as a result. It may be time to give his addiction a bit of a rattling if you feel up to it, by reacting differently. When you change what you do you will get a different reaction in return. It thrives on what it perceives as a false threat, every time you don’t follow through with an ultimatum it gains strength, if possible only threaten what you are fully prepared to carry out or say nothing.
When you feel the urge to check up or do a bit of digging – do something nice instead and give the addiction the disinterest it so rightly deserves, but to do so seriously means protecting your finances if at all possible as a priority. Whatever amount of money he can get is not likely to be enough, hence the ******** of your daughters things to gain more funds if you don’t put some protection in place you can unfortunately expect to be cleaned out again and again.
It is difficult M ( not sure whether difficult sums it up!!) but there are some things you can do to begin to take control of your life back and away from the addiction, he is choosing to live this way at the moment and may well continue to do so until such a time comes that he is sick of the consequences to his own actions this can only really happen if he does have to suffer at the hands of his own actions, anything like paying off gambling debts or funding the habit only prolongs the process. Enablement takes many forms and ensures the addiction can thrive.
Try and take a step back and give your head time to clear,
Jenny
 We see things not as they are, but through how we are today x