Dear Lost
It is good to hear from you and that you have survived Christmas and the New Year. x
It is impossible to make sense of the senseless especially when you are weary and feeling that you are not in the driving seat.
Hopefully now we are into the New Year and life is quieter you will get the precious time to look after yourself more. 
I hope too to be able to pass on to you the tools to help you do more than just survive. It took me a long time to learn to use them to help myself and I didn’t have the added pain of someone struggling with a life and death illness. You have a lot on your plate but you can succeed, you can take over the driving seat.
When you can update it would be good to hear (I hope) that your CG is still going to GA.   I would imagine he is having a terrible uphill struggle with his father’s illness and I hope it would help to share his reaction to it.  
It would be great to see you in a group. 
As with all those who don’t post for a while I do wonder how you are, so thank you for your post.