#1927
nomore 56
Participant

Hi BB, thanks for your reply! No, I don’t need a label of any kind, that is true. I am looking for an explanation of things that date back since I can remember. I agree with you, there is nothing wrong with me as in really wrong. I am just different in some ways and always have been. That did not start with my hb or his gambling. I always had problems with empathy. I understand everything very well intellectually but cannot follow emotionally. Hard to explain. I always pictured it as the connection between my brain and my emotions being cut off, like a severed spinal cord. When I’m being told over and over again that I need therapy, I want to know first if there is an underlying issue. I cannot put a band aid on a broken leg, if you know what I mean. I always knew that my hb loved me, even though his actions said otherwise. But I was done. Even more so because I don’t really know what love means in a relationship. There is a lot of literature about the family dynamics in re to addiction. You might want to check that out to better understand why you have to take a back seat to your in-laws. Very interesting. My mother’s day was very nice and very bad at the same time, sigh…My daughter and her bf came for a suprise visit, my hb came over and they all took me out for my favorite sushi lunch. I really enjoyed it. Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my car being taken away when I was at work, the usual flashbacks every year. In addition I got an email from my bf in Germany telling me that she cancelled her plans for their visit here in August. Some really bad accusations, aggressive, you call it. Out of the blue, without warning. I’m still wrecking my brain trying to figure it all out. My impulsivity probably got the best of me again? Don’t know yet. I hope your day was nice and peaceful, it is what we make it in this situation I guess. 🙂