Hi Nitenurse, I feel your pain. It is hard to hear the person you love spit out such spiteful words. Try to look at it like it is not really him saying it. Because it is not, it is his addiction. The man you love is just like a s**** right now, pretending to be your husband. Not that easy to do but it might help. My hb kept telling me repeatedly that the last 20some years were pure **** for him, nothing but upsetting and so on and so forth. It did hurt a lot because I was thinking how nobody ever asked ME what life with a gambler was like for ME. Moot point of course but that was what I thought. The last time he said that I asked him very calmly why he didn’t leave me if it was all sooo bad? I could have had a life with our daughter back home where we belong, focusing on us and not on his addiction. Of course I did not get an answer. Now that he is in recovery, he feels terrible about all this and cannot even imagine, he said that. You are right, it is part of the manipulation as well. To take you down, to destroy your self esteem and to force you into compliance with the addiction. I am glad that you shared your secret with your mom! You need all the support you can get at this time and it is so good to be able to talk to someone without having to put on a face. The only thing you can really do is to take good care of yourself and your kids. The less you give in to the addiction, the more nervous it will become. It does not like to be ignored, that is for sure. Making a nice dinner and having fun doing so was a great idea!!! You don’t have to suffer just because he does. The sooner he sees that you want nothing to do anymore with his addiction, the sooner he might wake up and smell the coffee. That is what I wish for you with all my heart!!!!!!!