Hi Nite
Carry on as you are doing because you are doing well. Going out for dinner with friends was probably far from simple for you – it takes guts to break away from the addiction buzzing around in your head. Playing with the kids will fill your head with lovely thoughts making the addiction more bearable and confused..
It is sadly common for a CG to think they are not compulsive gamblers and I am not surprised you are not buying into that.
One way to show him that you are not buying in to his manpulation is to let him know, by surreptitious means if necessary, that even if he is not taking his addiction seriously – you are.
At the top of this page click on to ‘Resources’ and in ‘Location’ scroll down to ‘World’. Click ‘Gambling help’ and ‘Search’. Scroll down to ‘Gamblers anonymous – Twenty Questions’. Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of these questions. In my opinion most members who have lived with the compulsion to gamble will also be able to answer yes to at leave seven of those questions. Print them off and leave them so he can find them. Maybe you could put a tick by the ones where you know there should be a ‘yes’.
Perhaps you could get details of your local Gamblers Anonymous (GA) and leave them ***** round. The reason I think it is good to not get into a discussion about support is because his addiction will be defensive and you will find yourself in another unasked for row.
If your husband gets annoyed about the amount of literature, then the answer can be that you are only looking for support with ‘your’ recovery. CGs do not realise that those around them need recovery too.
Not putting money into the debit account is far from feeble – I know how angry the addiction can sound.
You have hit the nail on the head when you said that winning encourages a CG. In this forum a ‘win’ is a ‘loss’ because the only thing that gets fed from it, is the addiction.
Even if he does go 2 weeks without placing a bet his mind will still be in gamble-mode. The addiction is live until the CG accepts it and wants to change. You cannot make him stop but you can make your life better so that he can see you are not being cowed by his addiction as he is.
You have made an excellent start and I look forward to hearing that you are having more fun. It might seem a strange way to cope and certainly a strange way to make a difference to your husband but it can and does work.
Your latest post is already more positive than the first and that is great.
Speak soon and/or perhaps join me in a Friends and family group.
Velvet
