#1966
velvet
Moderator

 
Hi Nite
He can’t make one bet because he is a compulsive gambler and he can’t gamble responsibly – but of course his addiction doesn’t want to hear that so it hits out at the person closest and that is you.  
I know it is hard but his words are meaningless. You know you are not lazy and your marriage is far from a joke for you.  
It is not a professional way to cope with the addiction but many people have found that it helps if you can see the addiction as a beast in the corner of the room. When you talk to your CG about things that are not gambling related the beast stays in the corner although it is always awake and listening – ready to defend itself.   When you try and talk about something that is gambling connected, the beast leaps between you. From that moment on your husband only hears your words distorted by the beast and you only hear cruel spite that knows no love or truth – it is like a wounded animal that fights tooth and claw for survival.  
I’m not 100% sure what you mean when you say that you guess it is just you.   This is far from ‘just you’ – this is not what you signed up for, what you wanted or dreamed of when you got married.   I am not asking for an answer to this but I wonder what you answer would be if you asked yourself if you still love your husband.   Some***** I think you can be so consumed by the addiction, you forget to think how you feel – and how you feel does matter.    
I would imagine when you next see your husband he will behave as though this poor behaviour never happened.    He tried to get you to agree to ‘just one bet’ and he failed – you stood up to his addiction and he tried to blame you.   His addiction will have forgotten all that happened by the time you speak again.   His mind is full of addiction and it lacks logic and reason – yours does not.   All the lies and manipulation have built up in your husband mind and he ***** support from those who understand to help him tip some of that addiction out so that reason, logic, truth and love can find a space to grow.
Do you ever talk about the happy ***** you had and the things you used to do?   It is so easy to be constantly on gambling alert that good things are forgotten and I really am not judging – I can’t – I did everything wrong for all the right reasons for far too many years. 
Your self-confidence has taken a hit and you are among those who understand how that feels.   It is difficult, I know, to talk to other people but do you have family to support you?   Unfortunately unless people have lived with the addiction to gamble, their opinions can be very narrow and not supportive.   Personally I think it is best to tell others as a statement rather than ask for opinions. You are going to get your knowledge here and you can make your own informed decisions with that knowledge.   At no time will I ever tell you what to do – everything will always be in your hands.
Keep posting
Velvet