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#18131
desdemona
Participant

Hi Bettie! Sincere congratulations on one year of working your recovery. I like that quote too of paying a high price for low living. Isn’t that the truth???
You being a cat lover, I know that you’re going to understand this. Earlier this week, like I said I took my female cat to the shelter as my husband is severely allergic and has major health problems. Cried buckets full! Yesterday I was going to take my male cat to my friend’s who had said she would give him a forever home. I had Ferris in a crate on the passenger side of my vehicle. I looked at him and his eyes had tears in them, and then the tears started running down his face. I was heartbroken and could not believe my eyes as I had never heard that cats could cry. I phoned my 17 year old granddaughter and asked her to come to my vehicle and see that Ferris was crying. She came out and said it was sad. I decided that I could not give him up and take him to my friend’s, so I decided to leave him at my daughter’s and said I’ll be back for him in 6 weeks. Seven hours later the cat was still misty-eyed and hadn’t come out of the carrying crate, so I demanded that my son-in-law bring him back to me. I wasn’t going to leave him heart-broken anywhere. The girl that was supposed to look after my 4 dogs and my house, was supposed to come over yesterday and we would go over what needed to be done as I have a dog in pee diapers because he pees in my house. She didn’t show up and I called her 3 times and all I got was her voice mail. She rents from me so I would have thought that she would be more responsible than that. So now my arrangements for the care of my dogs have fallen through, so I can’t go to treatment this time around. These are all rescue dogs and they have not been kenneled a day in their life, so 6 weeks would be traumatic for them.
After I dropped Ferris off at my daughter’s I was really upset that he had cried. I have self-excluded from the casinos, but this doesn’t cover the VLTs that are in most bars in my town. I was really thinking of going there and numbing out. I tried putting it off by going to buy some new clothes to take to treatment, grabbing a bite to eat, gassing up my car for the next morning, but that didn’t make the urge pass. I even started to turn into the lane to turn into the bar, and it seemed that I had no control over my urge. I told myself to keep driving and if I wanted to, I could always turn back and go gamble. I told myself that I didn’t want to change my last date gambled AGAIN and that I wanted to go into treatment on a high note, and somehow I kept driving till I got home. I even thought of driving to the next town where people didn’t know me. That was a close call!! All brought about because my cat cried!! Totally unexpected and hard to believe!! So here I am at home when I should be driving to Edmonton for treatment. Bags all packed and wondering what my next step should be. I need to go to town and get groceries but won’t go unless someone goes with me because I can’t trust myself today, with all that’s happened. Carole