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Hi Bettie,
Oh my love, my heart pained at your posts.  Try and think of this addiction as a seperate person, oh it loves us to be sad and lonely, miserable and depressed.  It whispers in your ear, ‘gamble, and you will feel better’, knowing full well you will leave feeling lower than you ever thought you could.  When it starts to whisper again, remember how you feel now, and dont let those words lure you back.
You are a wonderful person, you have a fantastic sense of humour (im still saving the wax for your candle, nearly there, just a few more ears!) You dont give yourself enough credit.  This addiction makes us feel worthless, when the truth is that we are not, we just need to find the strength to block our ears (more wax for me!!)  I always believed that if we were told something often enough we start to believe it.  This is the addictions motto…tell us we are nothing and we will feel we are nothing, we deserve nothing.  ITS A LOAD OF CRAP!!!  We deserve to be happy, we deserve to have a great life, and it can be done….dont listen to that voice. 
You are a valued member of this community, with so many who respect you and truly enjoy your company (me included)
Well done for coming back and journalling, its so easy not to…but you did and that speaks volumes my friend.
Take care of you, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan