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Hey Bettie,
quick note to say it sounds to me like you have stopped running from it.  Maybe still working your way up to turning and facing it, but you’re seeing it in your peripheral vision.  Otherwise, you’d still be busy feeding the machines and not here learning with the rest of us, what we need to, to deal with the nasties that brought us here.  We can’t accomplish in a day what we’ve been so good at avoiding for years!  Love ya Bettie, you will get there, you are on the right path.