Hi Guys,
I need to get busy on Saturdays. This is crazy, fighting urges today, again! I know why tho. The "landlord" was in yesterday, needed some banking stuff done. Long story short he admired my outift, then told me I looked stressed and needed to do something "about my face". Mind u i was at work but I told him Fxxx u. ( you get the picture ) He tried to explain, you look so tired, etc. What an *ss! So yea, urges today. But then again, I think back, how many other times did he reject me or hurt my feelings or insulted me and I ran off to the casino? It’s not his fault I gambled, but gambling was how I dealt with the hurt and pain he brought into my life.
I just feel empty tonight. My only friend is a cg, actively gambling and I can’t really call her. The other "friend" in my life is no friend at all really. I’m in physical pain with this leg and some other female issues, ( sorry guys! )
I feel all alone. I need to snap out of it, wish it were that easy.
I’ve "played my tape" over and over in my head today. I think that may have depressed me a bit too. I was feeling so good reciently, what happened? I let him "take my joy"! Damn him! And Damn me for feeling this way.
bettie
