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#24413
sam.sam
Participant

Monday Eve, around 5 o’clock, I went to bookies, slot machine. I started again. My own mistake. kept money at home for too long. I paid my gas and electricity and paid towards my rent, didn’t buy any food …just went playing. came home and No matter how much I wanted to write in here I was feeling ashamed of myself and promises I made. So I took my sleeping pills and was in bed until today 5 pm. what a life..the same journey again and in two weeks time, the evil wakes up again, and again.. I am not angry. I am just wondering how come I am scare that I have to go on for two weeks without any money, sleeping all the time so time passes so quickly and in two weeks time starting again and again. I was thinking to safe guard myself again and this time harder, by putting a photo in my pocket and any betting shop I saw get in and fill a form..it makes me sick being out of control. Another Christmas is coming and I feel another year passed with no achievement in life. I am still in the same place with the same thoughts and as weak as last year. I am thinking may be I could use these two weeks without money to use the time I have to plan some thing ahead for the time I get some money in hand. What shall I do differently this time…I am sorry that I could not stay in tune with my recovery. I can not concentrate and I don’t know what to write about. Tomorrow I start my recovery again. One day at a time.