Hi Vera. ..Thanks for your message.
Do you know. ..I was brought up in Ireland as a Catholic and went to school in a convent. …and I definitely had the fear of God well and truly instilled in me as a child.
I couldn’t tell a lie to save my life, never mind anything else.
Over the years (and there’s been 50 of them)…my relationship with God/religion has dwindled to almost zero. …and yet I’ve still heard myself say Please God let me win /get the bonus/jackpot. …whatever. …
I have gone from a person who, at one stage, couldn’t tell one single lie. …to one who has almost made a career out of it.
And that’s just the start! !
Lying is/has become second nature. ..along with greed, stealing, manipulating, hurting people….the whole shebang..
.
Now. ..I don’t have any desire to become a Bible bashing convert. …but I do so wish I could regain all those decent character qualities that I’ve allowed this thing to destroy. ..
I’m hoping they’re just buried deep and I can find them again. …and they’re not lost forever. I want to be a good person again.
I haven’t been on the slots now for a day. ….there’s no money to gamble.
However. …Saturday is a day for horseracing on TV. …always did the Scoop 6 and some placepots on a Saturday. …I never get carried away with the horses ….only the slots.
But this Saturday I refrained from allowing Mr On/Off include my selections in any bets.
He didn’t cause an issue….It was not mentioned again.
Since I’ve taken these teetering steps towards what I hope will be a full recovery. ..I have not felt so physically ill in my life. ….massive exaggeration there. …I’m sure there’s been times when I have. ..but how I’m feeling now is like my body (not my mind) wants to expel this evil physically.
And also. ..gambling always had me in a high state of anxiety. …I’m feeling more relaxed now. ..and I think my body is responding by letting me know how much I’ve neglected it over the years.
I also note l am whinging a lot. …I have read some posts on here by people who are upbeat and positive in the main. …Whilst I’m nothing but downbeat and negative at the moment. ..and I do not like it. I want to be positive. ..it’s just not happening naturally right now! !
