Hi Chris,
I just found this site an hour ago and I’m definitely feeling a lot of the same things. My situation is unfortunately a bit worse, though I’m also somewhat young, and my problem has also developed somewhat recently, so I can relate.
I think you’re on to something; regular postings here may need to be a part of our cure. It will greatly increase the likelihood that we will refrain from gambling if we make a habit of writing out our thoughts and reflecting on the pain we’ve caused ourselves. At the very least we won’t be gambling if we’re on this forum.
If you’re game, I’m willing to exchange diary posts with you now and then, and perhaps this will help us resolve to make a change. I’ve read quite a few posts on here already and it sounds like there are some dedicated and great people who want to share their experience. Reading them has brought a bit of comfort and hope. I will try to post daily, just as an exercise for myself, and we’ll see what comes of it.
Consider joining a GA group perhaps? I’m just getting started with one and if nothing else, it makes me feel better. Also starting therapy might help. I’ll be seeking that out this week. I’m a trained counselor so it’s especially hard for me to seek this help, but I’ve had a good therapist in the past, and it was actually okay once I swallowed my pride.
Someone answered a hotline when I called this thanksgiving out of desperation, and told me they came very close to suicide by handgun after losing everything. Gruelling story. He was able to recover and now has a family. I don’t want to believe it, but what he said to me might be true. Not only are we compulsive gamblers, but we don’t have a financial problem – we have an emotional problem.
Just know that this could get a lot worse for you. I don’t mean to end on a sour note, but it’s the truth. I’m trying to tell myself that constantly as a deterrent. There is definitely hope though, so let’s try and seek it out.