I read most of your journal man I admire your courage to get back off the ground and dust your self off and choose to live a life free off that habit. It certainly take alot of encouragement and support from those close to you. I am thankful I am gonna stay the course as well like you brother. This is my 18th day treading on this forum and i am thankful for the support and encouragement give by those who understands this addiction and have overcome it. I am thankful to Steev, Vera Jane aka I did It, Craig and ryan. They are following my tread and i am very thankful for those kind words they have given. I am also thankful to explore this website and discover testimonies of those who are struggling and are finding ways of rediscovering their self worth. Your story has really moved those who have followed it. Through the good times and the relapse moods, they have continue to support you. You as well to admit the guilt of going back and gamble again falling further into that trap of the big black hole. To those who given their time and words of wisdom to you on this forum, I have also taken time to apply it and use it also it has certainly help me to feel more and more encourage in my mind to really recover and establish myself in a better person in society for my family who wont see me as a burden. I choose to uplift my self each moment. I am having an attitude of gratitude it goes along way. I am currently on vacation and I am gonna take the time to do alot of self reflections, love myself more and to really observe what are the thoughts that really lead me through this mayhem that i have to face with now. I am GF for 18 days and I have to deal with the mounted debts and a possibility of losing my family. My wife saw that i admitted to having this problem many times and she has decided to continue with the divorce she filed back in October 2019.
Forgive me for rattling on your forum. But I must commend you for your strength at this battle of the mind. Thank you. Continue to keep posting brother. I appreciate your courage. Have a wonderful xmas and A GF 2020!!!