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#49928
IRockVX
Participant

So the material of my last entry seems to have some validity…

I woke up today feeling kind of blue, after reflecting and writing out my journal entry … i realized that at least part of it was indeed just an going addiction the state of being “blue” (or sad)

I realize it makes sense, because of all my time practicing calmness and relaxation over time, it’s understood that anger and tension are states that get wired in and eventually addicted to when they aren’t overcome over time with other practices …

So I now realize that my deeper emotional state is comprised of deeper “residual” consciousness (i.e. the deepest emotions i’m preserving and attached or addicted to) and the passing feelings that come and go.

I practiced music for 5 hours instead of trying to “therapy” my depression … I recognized the thoughts and feelings of the depression as tempting substances and didn’t touch or pick them up … when i did this i realized i had the space to take action on what would contribute to my own deeper happiness today and long term (practicing music) …

Because gambling is such a hollowed out and empty experience … it seems these residual emotions could both have preceded the addiction as well as been intesified or become residual through it … maybe gambling is part of an experience of getting addicted to feeling empty or hollow inside … or at the least reinforces those feelings …

There is a feeling of emptiness craving to be filled by gambling… gambling which is just another form of emptiness fills emptiness with emptiness and makes the new emptiness deeper … feeding the cycle of craving it in the first place …

I don’t think it’s a big jump in conclusion to say emotional wiring and addiction to sadness and emptiness go hand in hand with addiction to gambling … pity anger sadness passivity emptiness … I think gambling takes these emotions and leverages them deep inside us to make them more intense ….

Cravings for price action still quite low/meek. I’ll come back here to write and interact when more thoughts hit or craving does.

<3