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Hi Dan, glad you are following your own positive feedback/reflection loop and not acting on urges. (Go us!)

Tragic personal experiences often lead to some degree of discovery or questioning, right? I’m more interested in causes at this stage, and not symptoms (for me these urges have largely dwindled). And I’d like to believe that if we pay attention and work hard enough at it, then yes, we’re likely to find some answers.

These days, I’m just relieved I’ve stopped trying to go it alone. It is humbling and a privilege to share difficult and agonizing experiences with fellow CGs/F&F, and I feel like I’m becoming part of a bigger picture (and mystery – since science doesn’t have all the answers yet). I’ve fully accepted membership in the CG club. Like you’ve mentioned before, it’s strange, but comforting, knowing that this is a universal problem striking all ages, genders, and across every socio-economic and cultural group. I understand now that I’ve survived a very real human condition that falls under the general category of ‘suffering.’ I’ve become less robot and more human, I suppose.

Really, what choice am I left with but to continue with what I’ve got each day? I’d like to think I’ll have a little bit more knowledge tomorrow, than I did today, and then a little bit more every day after that. So, I’m feeling hopeful about that, but not quite “normal” – if there ever is such a state for an addict.

Hoping this finds you and everyone on this site well,
– S