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I have been wondering whether to respond to your last post. I felt you were saying I want to be alone with this and find my own way.
That’s fine AND I want you to know that I care. I felt a strong empathy with your OP on your first thread. I think I said so at the time. I was reclusive and secretive and although I was going out to work – I didn’t socialise with anybody there. I led a very solitary life (still do if truth be known!)
When I reached my “rock bottom” I knew I either had to get well or I would not survive. I reached a point where I would do anything to change my behaviour – little did I then know how hard that was going to be. I couldn’t do it alone. I had to reach out to people, I know you WANT to do it alone and I feel you NEED to reach out.
So small steps. If going to see a counsellor or going to a group is too much (and I can understand why,) maybe go for a 1-2-1 session here, or see if there is some on-line counselling that you can take up which might be less threatening.
I’ve done a lot of counselling and one thing I have learnt is that I can go at my own pace. A good, experienced counsellor will know how far to take you and not push you into areas that are too difficult at first.
Take the first small step out of the prison. I wish you well!